Why some women fear falling in love

Simi Kuriakose delves into issues of women who come with a statutory warning 'Not Made for Love'

More often than not, we come across different categories of men: one who don't want to love, one who love to be twitterpated by a woman, and others who love, hurt and vow never to love again. Women generally try to be a living proof to the age-old myth that they're all about fairytales and candybars, so the kinds you'd find are those who're craving to catch the eye of a man and willing to trade any happiness just to be in love.

Then there's the other sector of the pie chart illustrating women who love their singledom and don't want to be with a man (for reasons more than you can count). Here's introducing the woman who pushes a man away, not just any man, but a man who loves her to the core (yes that happens), despite having feelings for him.

So what's with women who walk about in the world with invisible placards that read 'not made for love'? Is commitment phobia the only reason or are these women pro-feminism - attracted to men but think they're better off without them? What are such women threatened by that they can't get enough nerve up to either be in love or respond to it?

Why does this happen?
If you're the woman we're talking about, we probably know what's on with you. Here are some reasons you may relate to:

Commitment phobia
This is a common problem for most relationship issues. But here, a commitment phobic woman may be a man repellent despite having feelings for him. She'll track down the negative ideas of being in a relationship and sort it out in the 'See-I'm-better-off-without-commitment' division of her brain.

Fear of being heartbroken
Women who have the ''I aint love material' issue are not just love phobic but hyper-petrified. Susan Mark (name changed on request), who is aware of her push-the-man-away skills says, "I know I always shun the idea of love from a man who's attracted to me, not because I'm not smitten by him. I just can't deal with heartbreak. I can't go through the whole high expectations, not-meeting-expectations, sobbing, crying and more phases. I rather be emotionally numb than be emotionally active for someone till he sedates me off it but yet I feel the pain."

Chase me till I'm unavailable:
It is true, men love the chase, it gives them a kick. And women are conscious about this feature in men. So, since they know being unavailable gets them all the attention, why not extend the chase by keeping him at safe distance. Saying no may be a backup plan. Some women love standby's. Other women just feel, if they fall for the drill of the chase, it might get different later. So they rather stay away.

Seen it, don't want to do it:
Clinical psychologist Mansi Hassan says, "Women who have seen bad relationships in life in their past or among family or friends tend to keep men at bay despite having feelings for them. They never realise that their relationship may be different than the bad ones they've seen but also end up never trusting anyone enough to be in love."

What to do
1. Hassan explains, "It is best to go with the flow, giving up on the extremist attitude in love."

2. Have courage, it's okay to face the devil of love than worrying about it going wrong. You never know, maybe your courage will help you get the best of life.

3. Remember, hurt means heal. If you ever get hurt, time heals it. So don't be afraid to be in love.

Reactions that such women have when in love:
1. Since you have a high expectation in love, Hassan says, you may end up being extremely clingy.
2. Mood swings might be common for such women.
3. Such women may also end up being co-dependent, says Hassan.

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